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Do you want to know yourself, reveal your inner potential and take life to a new level?

Event dedicated to the World Suicide Prevention Day

Uncertainty

A person becomes insecure when he rejects, does not accept his non-ideal part in himself. And this not ideal part takes a lot of internal resources, a lot of energy, because a person all the time seems to be trying to hide it so that it is not seen or that it does not manifest itself.

But when a person does this, he does not feel whole. Hence comes uncertainty, loss of internal resources, loss of energy. And then this state leads to doubts; to a lack of certainty; to situations where a person cannot make a decision; to loss of stability; to delay decisions. Uncertainty can lead to the fact that a person will endure pain; that he can be in suffering, in a destructive relationship. This mechanism is different for everyone.

Self-doubt is an internal conflict in which a person does not accept, displaces, does not recognize some part of himself, runs away from it. Because of this, he feels insecure.

The part not accepted is usually formed between 2 and 12 years of age. Because during this period the child learns to accept himself through the relationship between mom and dad, as well as their relationship to him.

The main cause of uncertainty is childhood trauma. Everyone can have their own. But as a result of these injuries, the child was forced to make decisions that were not characteristic of him or draw disappointing conclusions in relation to himself. At the same time, he often refused, forced out some of his emotions, feelings, desires, which led to the formation of an internally imperfect part.

Injuries are formed under the influence of parental instructions, when parents say: “be quiet, don’t be smart, you are bad , you are a loser, you do everything wrong, you make a lot of mistakes, you are not capable, you are wonderful, etc.” Everyone has their own prescriptions.

Instructions may be shown to the child verbally or behaviorally. But in whatever form they are presented, parental attitudes lead to the fact that the child, at times, forms a decision: do not be yourself; you need to give up something in yourself, not to show your feelings and desires.

There are two parts to a state of uncertainty:

1 part that is not self-confident;

2 part, who wants to be sure.

As an adult, a person may not be aware of these parts, because they are at the level of the unconscious. But, even being in the unconscious, both parts actively influence the quality of human life.

The problem of low self-esteem is psychological. Therefore, it can be adjusted during individual consultation, as well as in the process of group work.

If you don’t have time for either, and the problem interferes with normal functioning, then I bring to your attention a number of tips to increase self-confidence:

1. Never forget your strengths and don't be too hard on yourself.

Make a list of your strengths and what you are really good at. Be honest with yourself and avoid false modesty. It is not necessary to look for and write down outstanding qualities in yourself, these are enough: I keep my desktop in order, I finish what I started, a good memory, and so on. Review this list every week and add new items if possible. There are no ideal people. We all make mistakes. And not always they occur solely through our fault.

2. Watch your health.

If you are in good shape, you can achieve a lot. Regular physical exercise, which you enjoy doing, develops strength, perseverance and increases stress resistance. Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. Breaks for rest, time for relaxation and time for yourself should become as integral a part of your daily routine as, for example, brushing your teeth. Enjoy the fact that you look good and try to take everything from life. People around you will treat you with interest and respect.

3. Keep calm and try to alleviate stress.

Avoid hustle and bustle. Develop stress resistance. Simple relaxation and stress management techniques will soothe your body and mind and become your lifeline. Take time every day to relax - at least five minutes. Practice mindfulness for at least a minute every day. Those few minutes will bring a big return.

4. Remember that you, like any person, have rights,

which must be followed at work. Here are some of them: you have the right to your own opinion, to be treated with respect and as an equal, not to be insulted, to be listened to. You have the right to make a mistake, to fail, and to try again.

5. Plan, prioritize and stay organized

You need to know where you are now, where you want to go and how you plan to get there. Know exactly what you want. Weigh everything carefully and plan. Decide what your first step will be and take it. Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed. Whatever challenge you face, prepare for it. If possible, rehearse your actions in advance, such as giving a presentation. Pay due attention to this, and you will not only prepare for the upcoming event, but also increase your confidence and self-esteem.

6. Body language.

         Move and speak confidently, and you will not only look like it, but actually feel like it. Raise your head, relax your shoulders and body, and make eye contact with the other person. Show calmness and confidence when you open the door and enter the room. An open posture, a firm handshake, a calm voice will show the interlocutor that you are glad to see him and communicate with him. Your speech should be clear, rhythmic, and infect with enthusiasm. Show your sincere interest and you can show yourself as a charismatic speaker!

7. Visualize.

Imagine that you are chewing on a slice of lemon... Your mouth must have filled with saliva. So? The thing is that the human brain is not very good at distinguishing between what is happening in the imagination and in the real world. That is why one of the easiest and most effective ways to strengthen willpower is visualization.

All you have to do is imagine a situation in which you want to feel more confident. Try to get a detailed image, then for a few minutes, work through the situation in your mind step by step, coping with any difficulties that you think may arise. The task may sound strange, but it is easy to complete, and the technique works.

Small steps in self-improvement

Not everyone can properly assess their capabilities. Some overestimate their dignity, others, on the contrary, underestimate. Only those people who adequately evaluate themselves understand the importance of working on themselves. There are no ideal people in life, so a person always has the opportunity to improve. It must be remembered that small steps in working on yourself will lead to big results.

Why are small steps important? Because haste does not always lead to good results. In pursuit of big steps, the entire supply of human energy can run out and a person simply does not have enough strength for further work. He can get out of breath and stop. To prevent this from happening, you need to constantly, step by step, set small tasks for yourself, outline certain actions and carry them out.

Many are accustomed to believing that a person is difficult and almost impossible to change. This is true, but if he has no desire for change; if someone else will change it against his will. For a person to change, the main thing is that he himself realizes the importance of his changes and wants a new life. Then he can do everything: stop being offended, angry, jealous, develop, etc.

In addition, it should be remembered that it is impossible to fulfill all your dreams and desires in an unthinkably short time, it is unrealistic to fall asleep and wake up as a completely different person without putting any effort into it. Small steps in working on yourself and the constancy of the actions performed are the key to success.

Effective techniques in working on yourself will help you take the right steps to achieve certain goals. Nothing scares people more than the beginning of a task. So many fears about the progress of the work prevent it from starting on time. Questions arise: “What if I don’t succeed?”, “Will I be able to cope?”, “Do I need it?” and others.

Therefore, even small difficulties that arise can lead to retreat. At this stage, the main thing is to realize the importance of the beginning. You need to set yourself up for an easy and pleasant undertaking. After all, everything is in your hands. This is where self-motivation plays an important role. A person needs to tune in to a good start, imagine what positive impressions the achievement of his plan will bring him. You need to take up work with a good mood and positive emotions, and then any business will be given easily and without difficulties.

It is very important to present the beginning in detail. Small steps in working on yourself will help you tune in to a positive undertaking. After all, often “start tomorrow” can be delayed for several days and weeks. To prevent this from happening, you need to positively tune in to tomorrow, presenting all its details. For example, having decided to follow a diet, you need to mentally transport yourself to the events of tomorrow: what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, what should be discarded. Thanks to this technique, the beginning is not too difficult, because subconsciously the body is already ready for such a daily routine. The only thing left to do was to do it.

For an incentive in working on oneself, a drawn up plan of steps to achieve the goal is important. Thanks to him, it will become much easier to achieve what you want. Scheduled small steps in working on yourself will help bring the desired result closer.

The beginning of the expected always seems difficult and almost impossible. Therefore, many are looking for excuses for their postponed deeds. It is difficult for them to insert certain items into their established schedule due to lack of time or because of the hard, in their opinion, work. But everything is possible. The main thing is to start taking steps consistently and constantly, not to look for excuses, but to turn your actions into a habit. After all, getting used to performing certain actions, a person eventually stops paying attention to them and they fit perfectly into their schedule.

An important role in working on oneself is played by words and speech inserts, which are used not only for communication. Some words can be inserted into a speech with the aim of offending a person, creating a quarrel or conflict. Others, on the contrary, support a person, help him in this situation. With the help of words, you can not only help others, but also yourself. After all, words are small steps in working on yourself. When achieving the goal, speech inserts of confidence in success will help: “I am sure”, “I will succeed”, “Everything will be fine” and others. By pronouncing them, a person becomes more confident in his strengths and capabilities. Women can use this technique. Saying the phrase "I'm beautiful!" in front of the mirror several times, leave the house with your head held high, confident in your stunning beauty.

One of the most common problems is self-depreciation. You need to understand that self-depreciation is completely from childhood, from child-parent relationships.

Therefore, in order to work out this problem, you need to work with the inner weak part that was formed in childhood.

The main reason for self-depreciation is the parental rejection of the child. This is about a relationship where there is a parent, which can manifest itself in different forms: criticizing, obliging, punishing, devaluing, ignoring, etc.

All these forms of attitude have a very strong influence on the child and how he will treat himself. Because the child treats himself exactly as adults treat him, especially significant ones for him (mainly parents). Because through his parents, he forms the first impression of himself, the first idea of ​​himself, of the picture of the world, etc. It all comes through our parents.

The reason that the child begins to devalue himself is that he often encountered the main causes of devaluation:

1. An abusive attitude towards him, i.e. child abuse, is a very strong thing that affects the child.

2. Rejection.

3. Ignoring or absence of a parent in a child's life.

Ignoring influences more strongly than violence towards him. Because a child, if he is either ignored or there are no parents in his life, regards it as if he is helpless, unnecessary. And this is the strongest influence on the child, which creates in him the trauma of self-devaluation.

A person with such a childhood feels and lives now, first of all, self-denial, denial of his own importance. Because he, as if, remained to live in this state of trauma, in a state of fixation from the attitude that he had before.

And this self-denial is that there are two definite parts inside me: there is a part that does not accept me; which is very important to me, but she does not hear me, she does not accept me, she does not understand me, she devalues ​​me. And there is a second part of me that is suppressed by this part. And this repressed part creates in a person a feeling of his own worthlessness, uselessness.

To practice self-devaluation, you need to work with these two states.

A person with self-devaluation experiences a feeling of rejection of himself, a denial of his own importance; with a feeling of dislike for oneself in any situation; with a feeling of worthlessness; guilt; rejection of their own needs and desires. He believes that he is always inferior to others. He is unable to take care of himself. He has no personal boundaries.

The main mechanism of how self-devaluation is formed is this: any child who comes into this world is a free child. A free child is a child who has his own personal boundaries, his own personal territory, he has his own inner state, his own emotions, feelings, etc. This is exactly the part that is responsible for joy, for energy, for health, for motivation, inspiration. A free child is connected with his unconscious, with his body, with his feelings.

However, it is important to understand that a child is an open being, he totally belongs to his relatives. He has a total, 100% dependence on his relatives. Because for a child, this is the only way to survive. When a child connects with his relatives, often relatives can impose their programs, their prescriptions, their rules, their thoughts, their feelings, their emotions on him. And over time, the child understands that only if he follows these specific instructions, will also think, feel, live by the same rules and regulations, he will succeed in life.

But this is only half the trouble. A more complicated situation is when there is not just the imposition of some thoughts, but there is an ignoring, rejection of the child himself. And this situation creates in him the feeling that the child is worthless, not needed by anyone. Because a child evaluates himself through others. He learns to understand himself through his parents. And the parents, by their ignorance, show him that you are nobody, you are nothing and there is no way to call you. The child understands this, and begins to think about himself: it means that I am like that; so I'm a loser. And the child feels this pain, because there is a fixation on the traumatic part. The child seems to be stuck as an Adapted (traumatized) child in connection with the Critical parent, who seems to constantly live with him, as an inner voice, as an image that does not accept him all the time, rejects, devalues, etc. And the child lives with this trauma to this day.

This is the main factor that creates a feeling of devaluation of oneself. The work with self-devaluation will be to break the bond between the Trauma Child and the Critical Parent. Only when this ligament is broken will the habit of devaluing oneself disappear.

A traumatized child is one who sacrifices his uniqueness, his own feelings and emotions for the sake of his parents in order to be accepted. With this, he injures himself and suffers.

Devalues ​​oneself - this is a trauma based on repressed frozen emotions and feelings. Self-depreciation is only a psychological problem. And that's good, because it gives you the opportunity to heal yourself. That is, a person needs only himself to work with himself and heal from the disease of depreciation.

Healing has only a psychological process. So, having worked through emotional traumas, there will be a complete healing with self-acceptance and a sense of self-worth.

If it is currently not possible to work out self-esteem with a psychologist, then I provide you with a number of tips for independent work:

1. Appreciate yourself just like that, and not for something. Self love is about acceptance. It does not depend on how and what you do. This is about a sense of self-worth: everything is the same with you, you are an important and dear person by birthright. You don't have to prove it to anyone, just accept it.

2. Find the positives in yourself. There are no people who are terrible in everything. There are skills that you are good at, develop them!

3. Ignore unfounded criticism. If you are called a "rotten shoe", then you will not believe it. But if you are called a "bad specialist", then you can believe it and get upset. But in vain. If they want to assert themselves at your expense, then you are already valuable!

4. Stop comparing yourself to others. There is a cognitive distortion that feeds the inner impostor every now and then. We compare our knowledge and skills with all the knowledge and skills that exist in this world. This gives rise to a negative feeling that something is wrong with us. And in such a comparison it is impossible to win. It is more effective to compare yourself now with yourself from the past.

5. Consider your appearance. When you do not accept something in your appearance, you try to avoid contact with yourself. Turn off your inner critic and look at yourself. Find 20 features you like. Perhaps these are your chips. Look at yourself without the inner critic as often as possible. Soon your embarrassed look will become loving.

6. Stop being dramatic. Everyone makes mistakes. But someone sees in them a new experience. And someone a reason for self-abasement. Stop backing yourself into a corner. This won't help solve the problem. But the ability to support yourself will give strength to deal with the problem. Because there can be many non-serious reasons for failure: for example, fatigue. And then you need only rest, and not another portion of self-flagellation.

7. Give up secondary benefits. Poor self-esteem has a secondary benefit. It is convenient to refuse a work task, citing your own incompetence. Or get a lot of love and support from loved ones when you scold yourself. See if there are secondary benefits from your low self-esteem and think about how you can get them in another way.

8.  Forget manipulation. Sometimes, in order to achieve your goal, you want to belittle yourself a little, and embellish the situation. This may work well in the beginning. And then it becomes a habit. And you begin to feel weaker, more unhappy, worse, just like in your inventions.

9.  Ask for feedback from colleagues and loved ones. People with low self-esteem devalue everything they touch. But sometimes you yourself devalue what you have. Therefore, ask others for more additional views on things around you. It may turn out that for others what you have is very valuable.

10. Work hard. Work on the body, mind and everything that you consider important. The better your steps are, the faster you will receive feedback: it can be money, health, or work in a dream company. With them comes a healthy self-esteem.

So, in order to increase your self-esteem, in order to feel valuable, you need to build internal supports within yourself and receive external confirmation of your importance.

To give up secondary benefits and learn to look at yourself with a loving look is not an easy, but very important path in the life of each of us!